fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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