it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
