I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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