Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
