just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
