At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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