I heard we made out
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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