thus making me awesome and them whores
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
