I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
