When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
