I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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