come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
