I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
