i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
