Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
