What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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