Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
