You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
