Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
