Your dad touched me again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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