it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
