threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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