well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
