dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
