Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
