I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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