I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
