I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
