i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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