So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
