youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
