If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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