feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
