home. puking in laundry basket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Drake has all the answers
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
