I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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