Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
