fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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