Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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