There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
