i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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