I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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