Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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