took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am available for nakedness
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
