I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
