I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
