perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think we sleep fucked last night...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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