I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
