two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
