I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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