wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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